Have you ever experienced a time in your life when
your thoughts were not your own? I have experienced this recently. I have
struggled for a long time with self-esteem issues, and slowly it crept its way
into every corner of my life and every decision I made.
Growing up, I wasn’t a huge fan of the body God gave
me. I was constantly comparing myself to other girls around me. I allowed Satan
to speak into my mind and whisper these words of destruction for YEARS! Not
only did he speak into my thoughts, but he used people in my life to try and
bring me down. There was this boy I “dated” when I was quite young and he
would ask me how much I weighed and comment on the amount of food I would
eat at lunch. With those destructive words, I began to eat less and less,
and hated myself more. Lucky for me, I got out of that relationship and learnt
from my mistakes – never change for a man! At least I thought I had learnt…
You see, four years down the road these thoughts came
back into my head stronger than ever before. They told me I was fat and that I
weighed too much and that I would never fit into my bridesmaid dress for my
friend’s wedding. These thoughts made me hate myself again. So I began to
drift away from God. I lost my hunger for food, and began to skip
meals. I was eaten up with guilt and disgust anytime I ate, and had to stop
myself numerous times from making myself vomit. But I didn’t think I
had a problem, I thought I was ”fine” and “in control”. The only
thing that kept me going was the idea of losing weight and FINALLY being
“beautiful”.
But let me tell you this; The whispers of Satan will
ruin your relationship with Christ, if you continue to listen to them. They
will be tainted and you will no longer see the glory and God’s word. I started
avoiding God (as much as I could). I stopped reading the bible, I stopped
praying, and I stopped going to bible studies with close friends. I was in my
own bubble of misery, and I was locking myself into an emotional hell.
It wasn’t until a guidance counsellor came to my class
and talked about eating disorders did I realize I ‘fit the eating
disorder bill’. I was embarrassed by my failures and by my weakness, and
secretly met with the counsellor to ask for help. She comforted me with words
that God MUST have placed in her mouth, because they went straight into my
heart, and gave me the courage to get up again. I told my family about my
eating disorder as well as some close friends of mine. None of them judged me
or were angry, all they had for me was compassion. My real battle was with
myself and Satan.
As I fought in the everyday battle to provide my
body with the food it so desperately desired, I also fought the
mental battle against the negative words swirling in my brain. While I
fought this battle, the words of Jesus echoed in my head; “Get behind me,
Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; You do not have in mind the things of
God, but the things of men”- Matthew 16:23
Those words pushed me forward (although slightly out
of context). Jesus had control over the demons within the possessed and
was able to say no to Satan’s temptations. So my realization was, if Jesus
lives within us, then He will wipe the devil away and regain our hearts if
we call on Him.
So please, let the words I have written have
meaning to you in your life. Do not listen to those whispers. Do not let
media’s view of beauty change your view on yourself. 1 Peters 3:3-4 says “Do
not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of
gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but
let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious”.
Let everything we do be to please God. Do not hurt your body for worldly
admirations, but LOVE your body the way it has been created for Christ,
the prince of peace’s, admirations.
God Bless
Amen.
